The thing is I don't really know what is next. I really don't feel like any of us are the same since Friday. Our society is broken and I have no idea how it can be fixed. This weekend I wrote and deleted tweets and status updates so many times because they all just seemed so silly. The only thing I wrote was 'My soul hurts' because it is all I could muster when I couldn't make sense of anything. 'Does this matter?' went through my head more times than I can count. I am passionate about environmental responsibility and minimizing impact and I love sharing our journey with you but my Lord babies are being murdered. Does writing about waste free holidays or green resolutions really matter when that is our current reality?
We spent the weekend ignoring reality. We turned cardboard boxes into forts, played Hungry Hungry Hippos and watched our favourite holiday movies. We hugged a little longer and I stole more kisses than B wanted. And I cried....a lot. I can't believe that this is the world that our son is growing up in. Any time I allowed myself to think about those sweet kids I became so emotional because I can't make sense of it. I need to make sense of it.
As 20 precious babes are laid to rest this week I will be spending time with those I love and reflecting on what is most important. I know life and blogging will return to a new normal but today it still feels weird.
Live lightly and love deeply my friends.